


Toy Soldiers

by ladyguinevere



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M, Mental Illness, Potential Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-06 15:30:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3139424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyguinevere/pseuds/ladyguinevere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if the person that held your interest had things going on that was well outside your realm of control? That's something that Chibs has found himself coming face to face with. Victoria, who recently retired from the Army, and she's got scars. Some are like his, visible, can be seen and touched, but others, not so much. Chibs is left to figure out how to help, if he even can help, and at the end of the day, is this broken soldier even worth it? Or will she be like the others that have come into his life only to wreck it and leave him behind?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The air hit her face, it was cool and it felt good, leaving goosebumps rising all along her skin. Breathing in deep and releasing it slowly, dark brown eyes closed, drawing her bottom lip into her mouth, between her teeth, she chewed on it for a moment, shoulders slumping, her whole body feeling as though it might actually collapse in on itself. She was still carrying her bag on her shoulder, still in uniform, as she made her way across the landing strip, slipping into the airport. There were people moving around everywhere, and for a moment, she wasn't sure what to do with all the noise, all the activity. She hadn't been home in so long, everything felt wrong. Sniffing, she shook her head, clearing it as best as she could.  
Making her way from where she'd stepped off the plane to the front of the airport didn't take long, although she would admit, it felt like hours. Finding herself stepping out once more into the cool night air, she looked around for a moment, running her tongue over her bottom lip for a moment. A car pulling up tugged at her attention. A Cadillac, and when the window rolled down, she recognized the woman inside. Giving a very brief smile, she nodded her head, and walked towards it. Pulling the back door open, she tossed her bag inside, before slipping into the front seat a moment later. Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes tightly as the car began to move forward, her hands curling into tight fists, pressing blunt nails into her palm, digging them until she could feel the sting, and they stopped shaking. The silence lasted for what seemed like days, but it had only been minutes. Mere minutes. Time held no relevance right now. It held no meaning. It was nothing. Everything just dragged onwards with no end in sight.  
“It's good that you're home, sweetheart.”The silence finally broken, and she looked over,”I heard about what you went through, what happened, and it's good that you're home so you can heal.”  
“Gemma.”She paused, and looked down at her lap, shaking her head,”I just wanted to be able to do my job, I didn't want to be sent on leave.”  
“I know, baby.”Gemma looked over at her, giving a very small smile,”You're so much like your dad, it's unnatural, I swear, he was the same damn way about things.”  
“Guess being a good little soldier runs in the family.”She snorted, lips curling just slightly in the corners,”Thanks for making sure that an apartment was set up for me, by the way.”  
“No problem.”Gemma took the exit that brought them onto the interstate, the one that would lead them straight back to Charming,”Vic, I tried to get you out of it, but there's a party at the club house tonight, and it's been insisted that I bring you by, don't have to stay, but you have to at least pop in and say hi.”  
“Seriously?”Victoria turned to look at Gemma again, arching a brow,”Three years in the desert and I have to go play good neighbor with the outlaws?”  
“Sorry.”Gemma looked over at her, and shook her head,”Won't be long, sweetheart.”  
“Will there be alcohol?”  
“Are you even suppose to be drinking?”  
“Yeah, that wasn't on my list of things to avoid.”Victoria laughed a bit, the sound coming out a bit colder than she'd meant for it to,”Probably a good thing too, because it would be utterly disregarded.”  
There was silence again. It wasn't strained, or awkward, but Victoria could feel the questions building, the waves of concern washing off of Gemma and nearly drowning her. She hadn't been here in twelve years, and the woman still seemed to think that she was the mother figure in Victorias life. No, Gemma wasn't. Her mother had died when she was six. Her father had been a mechanic at Teller-Morrow, and had raised her all on his own. He'd been a friend of the club, of Gemma and Clays. She remembered both of their sons, Jackson and Thomas. She remembered avoiding the two boys a lot, and then there was only one boy, and she avoided him even more. She avoided everyone, and everything, because she missed her mother, she missed her mother more than she missed anyone else. Then her father died when she was seventeen, heart attack, the paramedics pronounced him dead on arrival. She'd been at school, and Gemma had come to tell her the news, to take her out of school. Nothing had hurt as bad as that. Eighteen, she joined the Army. And now she's thirty.  
Her mind stopped there. It was dangerous to go any farther. She was suppose to avoid these thoughts, remember what the therapist said, remember what that shrink repeated over and over again. Reliving things alone was dangerous, it could lead to more damage, it could break down new walls that were potentially crippling. Blinking and shaking her head, Victoria looked up and around for a moment, as Gemma took the off ramp and started down a small, two lane highway that turned into a small road that rolled through a town that hadn't changed in twelve years. Victoria could almost swear by it. Of course, there were things that had changed, but there was a lot that hadn't, and it left her feeling more than surprised, she would admit.  
Once they had passed that Welcome to Charming sign, it was a matter of five minutes, ten at the most, before Gemma was pulling up into the parking lot of Teller-Morrow, and Victoria shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She didn't want to get out. She didn't want to go be around people. What she wanted was silence. Silence and a shower, and to drink until she fell asleep. She sat there, hands curled in tight fists, until Gemma began to move, and that was when she did the same. Reaching for the handle, she pushed the door open and climbed out, eyes darting around for a moment. For a split second, she was in the desert again, the yelling of people partying became the yelling of soldiers, screams of pain, there was the faint smell of smoke, guns firing, buildings burning, people scattering, and she nearly curled forward as her mind seemed to pull her back to that place. Closing her eyes tightly, Victoria pulled in several deep breaths of air, and shuddered, pushing those things back. Opening her eyes again, she was standing in a parking lot, and there were bikers and women that were half dressed, and loud music again. Relief flooded her for a second, and she started to walk, head high, shoulders squared and straight. Old habits that she would still carry with her thirty years from now when she was far from the person she'd been only weeks ago.  
“You remember anyone?”Gemma asked, having brought herself around so that they were walking together towards the clubhouse.  
“You, Clay, your kid...uh...Jackson, and his buddy Opie.”Victoria shrugged,”Think I remember that Opie kids dad.”  
“You never did take to being friends with those boys.”Gemma grinned a bit, shaking her head.  
“Just went different directions early in life, nothing against either of them, they were alright guys.”  
“Life does that sometimes.”Gemma stated quietly, glancing over at the other woman,”Clay isn't here, Jackson is president now, Opie's gone too, as his father.”  
“Oh...”Pausing, Victorias brows furrowed a bit as if she were searching for words, for something that could be considered heartfelt, loss was something she understood,”I'm sorry about that, I really am, this world can be cruel sometimes.”  
“Yes, it can be.”  
Silence again, and Victoria could live with it. She wasn't sure what to say, why she should bother saying it. Gemma had attempted to take her under wing after her father died, and to some extent, the woman had allowed it simply because being alone terrified her at the time. She had been left utterly alone, and Gemma had provided a chance to change that. That had been so long ago, and yet, Gemma seemed so unfazed by the time that had passed. Didn't she realize that Victoria wasn't the same, that she wasn't some terrified, sad, teenager now? Of course she realized that. How could she not? Thoughts tossing and turning, Gemma had to take hold of her arm to keep her moving, and for a second, Victoria didn't understand why. She looked at the older woman for a long moment, confusion painting her features, and Gemma looked concerned, wary, giving just a slight, barely noticeable tilt of her head.  
“You doing okay?”  
“Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, sorry.”The answer was quick, and feet were moving again.  
Moving inside the building, brushing and ducking past people who paused to look at her Victoria looked around, and she could feel that tension rising in her chest, creating pressure, pressing and pulling, leaving her muscles feeling tight, making it hard to want to move. It was hard to push that away too, even as she was tugged along, dark eyes darting from face to face, people glancing up at her, there were a few girls that actually stopped to scoff at her, as though she didn't fit. She didn't. She knew this. She had never fit. Not around these people. Not in Charming. She didn't fit until she'd found the battlefield. Shaking her head, she sighed a bit to herself as she was finally allowed to stop walking. Looking down and around for a moment, she heard Gemma clear her throat, and her head shot up to look at the older woman, blinking a bit.  
“You sure you're alright, sweetheart?”  
“It's just loud in here, s'all, I'm fine.”  
Gemma seemed to take a moment to consider what she was saying, before giving a very slow, deliberate nod of her head. Victoria gave a small, strained smile towards the woman, and then she was being motioned to look elsewhere. Looking up, she came face to face with three separate individuals, and a fourth was heading in their direction. She recognized Jackson quickly, he hadn't changed much, at least not his physical features, there was age there though, weariness that she knew very well, he looked as exhausted as she felt. Next to him, she recognized Tara as well, from back in high school. Same deal with her, physical features were nearly the same, just older, road worn. The other two however, were new people, and she nearly took a step back out of reflex. To put distance between herself and anyone else. That had been her life for weeks now, distance, and isolation, protecting herself was her excuse, giving herself time to heal. Excuses is what her therapist called them, but it didn't stop her.  
“Hey.”Gemma spoke, moving to hug Tara first, and then Jax, then motioned towards Victoria,”You remember her, right? Her dad worked for us while you three were growing up, Victoria Anderson.”  
“Yeah, it's been a long time though,”Jax pointed out, giving Victoria a small smile,”Where'd you run off too?”  
“Uh...”She looked down at her uniform, and arches a brow, looking back up at him,”Joined the Army, kind of been bounced around for the last decade as my job requires it.”  
“Yeah, alright, you got me there.”There was a small snort, and Jax was left shaking his head.  
“You happy to be home?”Tara spoke up at this point, pulling at Victorias attention,”I mean, I know you haven't been back long, right? But are you at least happy?”  
“Truth?”Pausing, she looked down at the ground for a moment, pressing her lips in a very thin line,”No, I want to be over there, doing my job, I want to be able to continue doing what I've done for the last decade, and instead, I'm going to be sitting on my thumbs.”  
There was silence, and Victoria wanted to take a step back. Turn, and leave. Things had gone wrong, things had happened, she couldn't take them back, but they hadn't exactly left her the most sociable person. It wasn't anything against anyone that she was standing in front of, it wasn't anything against this town, it wasn't anything against anyone. She was tired. She was bitter. There was a bone deep ache that surged through her entire being and left her defenses up, and her tone sharp, all while she was trying to figure out how she was suppose to make any of this work for her.  
“Got a couple guys I want you to meet.”Jax finally broke through the silence, and through the haze that was filling her mind, motioning towards the two guys she'd glanced at before,”That's Happy, my sergeant at arms, and my V.P....”  
“Chibs Telford.”The accent caught her, and she blinked at him, seeing him extend his hand out.  
Looking at him for a long moment, Victoria took him in. He was a great deal taller than her, she only stood at five feet and five inches, and his hair was graying, though dark brown in nature. Dark eyes seemed to be taking her in just as much as she was with him. He wasn't built like the other two, he had a bit of a belly on him, but for him, it worked. The scars that came across his cheek had her nearly opening her mouth to ask what had happened, but she bit it back, while her eyes darted to the hand sticking out in front of her, two rings, both gold, and a beaded bracelet as well, prayer beads maybe, she wasn't sure. Pulling her lips back into a small smile, she reached out and took his hand, giving it a shake. His hands were rough, as she might imagine them to be, since he probably worked out in the garage like the rest of these guys, and his grip was firm. Pulling her hand back, she crossed her arms over her chest, before looking over at the bald one that had been referred to as Happy, giving a small nod of her head, and it was easily returned.  
“Victoria.”She introduced herself, before turning to look over her shoulder at the bar,”Can I get a drink?”  
“Yeah, sweetheart, go ahead.”Gemma spoke this time, her tone easy, and Victoria could have screamed over that.  
Turning, without saying anything else, she began to move through the crowd, not bothering to look back, although she was well aware of the eyes that were on her. Not a child. She didn't need to be taken care of. It had only been an accident. She wasn't broken. Not broken. Thoughts turning and tossing inside of her head, and she was barely able to keep them in check, to maintain some form of control over them. It was hard, and it was driving her up the wall. An accident. Everything that led up to this point had been an accident. She'd done her job, she'd done it well, it wasn't her fault. Not her fault. Giving a hard shake of her head, Victoria forced herself to shut off, to turn her thoughts off for a moment as she smiled at the younger guy that was behind the bar, motioning towards the whiskey.  
“Two fingers.”She explained, nearly making a noise when she realized he only had thumbs,”No ice.”  
“Alright,”He spoke, turning so that he could grab what she'd asked for,”You a friend of Gems?”  
“Yeah, it's been awhile since we've seen each other, but you could call us friends.”Not entirely the truth, but it would work for now. She didn't really feel like explaining the whole story to a total stranger.  
“Cool, you going to be around for awhile?”  
“Probably, yeah.”  
“Name's Chuckie.”Turning to look at her again, he sit the glass down in front of her.  
“Victoria.”She stated plainly, reaching to grab for the whiskey and down it.  
The burn made everything go away for a second, and she knew if she had more, that she would eventually be numb to all of it. Not a good way to go about things, but it would be a few days before she could get to the V.A. Hospital where she could get the medication that she needed. She wasn't sure that she could make it a few days with her mind rolling around and tossing things about the way that it was. Sitting the glass down, she sighed a bit, reaching up and rubbing her forehead, pushing her dark hair back behind her ears.  
“Can I get another one?”She asked, giving Chuckie a small smile.  
“Yeah, yeah, of course.”He turned and grabbed up the bottle that he'd poured from originally, and refilled, without really saying much else.  
“Oi! Chuckie, give me another one s'well.”The voice belonged to Chibs, and Victoria glanced up at him as he flashed her a smile,”Ya looked a wee bit lonely over 'ere while everyone else was drinkin' and havin' a good time.”  
“Not really in the mood for a good time.”She retorted,”I wanted to go home and do this, but here I am.”  
“What's wrong with tha boys 'round ya?”He asked, his tone teasing, and she nearly snorted at him over it.  
“Nothing, just a little exhausted after being on a plane for as long as I was.”  
“Aye, I can understan' tha'.”He nodded his head slowly, grabbing for the tumbler of whiskey that had been sat down in front of him, tossing it back much like she had.  
“You're not anymore from around here than I am.”  
“Thought ya grew up 'round here?”  
“Doesn't mean I belong.”  
“Ya belong anywhere ya want ta, don' really matter much where ya born.”  
“Fair point.”  
“M'full of those from time ta time.”He grinned, winking at her.  
“Good to know.”She teased, letting out a small laugh, and shaking her head.  
“S'tell me, why ya got an issue talkin' about yer job?”He asked, giving a very small tilt of his head,”Ya shut Jackie boy down pretty fast back there.”  
“I'm not ready to talk about it.”She answered, turning a bit so that she was facing him, leaning against the bar,”Some things happened, things that did not end well, and this is not the time, or the place to be reliving that.”  
This seemed to cause Chibs to take pause, to really look at her for a moment. She wasn't tall, or at least she was nowhere near as tall as him, and his brows furrowed as he looked at her. Dark hair that landed just at her shoulders, her nose a little crooked, sign that it had been broken at some point in her life, green eyes, and there was a bandage on her neck, gauze taped down, and he wondered what that was from. Her frame was small, well built, he could tell that even through the uniform that she was wearing, and while she was pretty, she looked tired. Dark circles under her eyes, lips paled a bit, and as he watched her, as he took a moment to really take her in, he caught the way her hand curled into a tight fist and relaxed again. Nervous, anxious, something other than relaxed, something beyond just being tired. The questions stirred around in his head, but he bit them back, doing as well as he could not to pry too much into this girl, especially since she seemed quick to shut it down.  
“Ya know, yer always welcome to jus' hang out instead o' goin' and hidin' away.”He spoke carefully,”Ya don' have ta go get shitfaced like these idiots are doin'.”  
“And be a total bore?”She questioned, snorting at him,”Nah, I think I'll head out of here as soon as I can get Gemma to take me to my place, I don't want to hold anyone back from enjoying themselves.”  
“I could take ya.”He offered, giving a shrug of his shoulder.  
“You've been drinking.”  
“I only had two, girlie, and I don' know if ya noticed, but I ain't even tipsy.”He countered, amusement heavy in his voice.  
Victoria looked at him for a long moment, then turned to look past the group of people standing between herself and Gemma, seeing the woman approaching some Hispanic looking guy, hugging him, they shared kisses, leaving Victoria cringing just a bit. She'd kept Gemma from being able to see this guy, whoever he was, by needing to be picked up at the airport. Sniffing a bit, she glanced up at Chibs, and gave a very small nod of her head.  
“Alright, take me home, pretty boy.”She motioned for him to start moving,”I need a shower and out of this uniform, pronto.”  
“Aye, yer carriage awaits ya outside.”He teased, earning him another snort that left the Scot grinning a bit.  
Following Chibs through the crowd of people, Victoria wondered what she was thinking. Getting a ride home from some guy that was basically a stranger, and not to mention, she wasn't stupid. This club wasn't known for being the nice guys, the good guys, and yet, she was ducking and weaving through people, giving brief smiles to anyone that said something to her, until they both stepped outside into the cool night air. Pulling in several deep breaths, she let them out slowly, the music still loud out here, but it seemed as if most people had taken the party inside, so she was willing to work with whatever she had. She started to walk when he did, seeing him heading towards a bike, and she made her way quickly towards the Cadillac, opening the back door to grab her duffel out of it, and tossing it over her, so that it hung off her back securely. Walking over to where he was, Victoria glanced down at the bike, and hesitated for a moment, hands curling tight, before she reached out and grabbed his shoulder, lifting and throwing her leg over the machine and bringing herself down behind him. He leaned forward and turned the bike on, the loud roar of the engine making her jump, grabbing hold of the leather of his kutte tight, while she closed her eyes tighter, swallowing down the panic that hit her hard and fast. Giving herself a moment to adjust to the noise, adjust to the sound, to remind herself that she was in Charming, not the desert, and she felt herself slowly begin to relax once more. If he noticed, he didn't make it known, and she was grateful for that as she held onto his sides, the bike pulling forward, and in a matter of moments they went from being on the parking lot to on the road, with her leaning forward just enough that she could call out directions over the sound of the wind, and the bike.


	2. Chapter 2

Leave it to Gemma to get her an apartment in the Crows nest. Victoria shouldn't have expected anything else, really, because the older woman was going to want to keep an eye on her. She hated that. She didn't need a babysitter. She needed to be left alone. She wasn't Gemmas child, she wasn't anything to the queen of bikers. Just a former, deceased employees daughter. Shrugging the thoughts off as Chibs pulled the bike forward, and dropped the kickstand with his foot, Victoria brought her leg up and over the bike once more, climbing off of it easily. She started towards the front door, Gemma had made sure to mail information to her, to fill out, made sure she had the key, knew what apartment number, everything had been handled as best as possible before she'd got home. She might be annoyed at the location, but at least she had a place to lay her head.  
Hearing the bike turn off behind her, Victoria turned and watched as Chibs climbed off, stuffing his keys into his pocket, and it left her arching her brow at him. He flashed her a smile, and cleared the short bit of distance between the two of them. Standing there, she looked at him for a long moment, trying to decide if she shouldn't just tell him to go away. She was a big girl, she could handle herself. There was something nice about having some company, but there wasn't going to be any getting any ideas on his part, she wanted to avoid that. Shrugging her thoughts away, she turned and started towards the front door, hearing him walking just behind her. Pausing at the front door, she reached for her duffel and dug around in the side pocket until she found the key, getting the door unlocked and pushing it open. Stepping inside, Victoria glanced around just a bit, trying to figure out where the switch was to turn on the light. Fumbling around just a bit, she managed to find it, and turned the light on, finding herself looking at a simple, but furnished living space.  
“Nice place ya got.”Chibs said from behind her.  
“Yeah, this is the first I've seen it too.”She admitted, moving onwards into the living room, pulling the duffel strap up over her head, and dumping the whole thing on the couch.  
“Ya didn' pick any o' this?”  
“Nope, I told Gemma not to either, that I could handle it when I got here, but clearly I was unheard.”  
“Aye, she's good at tha' sometimes.”  
“Yeah, yeah I know.”  
Moving around the small apartment, Victoria glanced around at everything. All of her personal belongings, pictures, and things of that nature, were in a storage locker in Stockton. When she'd got her orders that sent her to the desert, she'd sent everything back, because she wouldn't be living anywhere stable for a long enough period of time that she didn't want her things lost.   
“I'm all set here, you don't need to stay.”She spoke up after a moment, looking over at Chibs, and giving him a flash of a smile.  
“Ya sure?”He questioned, giving a small tilt of his head,”I felt ya jump when I started m'bike, ya sure yer good?”  
“Yeah, it just spooked me a little is all.”She attempted to assure him, giving a very small shrug of her shoulders,”Loud noises in general do that to me for a second or two sometimes, it's no big deal really.”  
There was a brief moment of silence between the two of them. Chibs was giving himself a moment to take her in again, to see if there was something that he had missed earlier. The question as to why she was letting herself get dragged around this crew by Gemma if loud noises spooked her popped into his head, but much like how he'd done earlier, he didn't let it come out. He wasn't sure that he'd appreciate getting shut down. Jax might have let it go, but he wasn't Jax. He would push, and that might not go over well, ending in potentially getting hit by a chick that could probably take him if she wanted to. Not that he would out loud admit that to anyone. Doesn't mean he couldn't think it to himself though, right?   
“Ya need anythin', don' hesitate ta ask, yeah?”  
“Yeah, alright.”  
“Let me see yer phone, girlie.”He held his hand out, both eyebrows shooting up for a second and then his expression relaxed again.  
“Um, yeah, okay...”Her words were hesitant, while she dug into the pants of her uniform, pulling out a small pre-paid phone, and tossed it to him, seeing him catch it easily,”What do you need it for?”  
“Hold on.”His words slowed as he looked down at her phone, messing with it, pushing buttons, his focus on that for the time being and not on the woman standing in front of him looking curious and wary. Closing the phone, he tossed it back to her, seeing her catch it as easily as he had, and flashed her another smile,”M'number, jus' in case.”  
“Oh.”She blinked, looking down at her phone for a moment, then gave a firm nod of her head,”That makes sense, thank you.”  
“Yer welcome.”He shot back, moving back towards the door,”Don' hesitate ta call me, al'ight.”  
“I won't.”Victoria managed to flash him another brief smile,”Thanks for offering to help a girl out.”  
“Don' want ya thinkin' we're all a bunch o' idiots, right?”  
“Good point.”  
Grinning, Chibs turned on his heel and slipped out of the apartment, pausing only long enough to pull the door closed behind him. Once outside, and alone, he dug his smokes out of his pocket, and stuck one between his lips, lighting it, and pulling in a good drag, blowing the smoke out through his nose. His booted feet carried him towards his bike, and his mind wandered to the girl inside that apartment. She was well guarded, that much was obvious, although he'd seen the damage that war can do to someone, any war, it didn't matter if it was internal, as he'd witnessed in Ireland, or if it was something like her situation, where she'd been sent to fight. Shaking his head just a bit, he swung his le over his bike, leaning forward and sticking the key in the ignition, turning it on. It rumbled beneath him for a moment, before he pulled out of the space he was in, getting himself back on the road to make his way back to the clubhouse. There was whiskey and women there that was in desperate need of his attention.   
The night for him went on a lot better than it did for Victoria. Being alone in the apartment made her wish that she hadn't been in such a hurry to get away from people. The silence was near deafening and despite every attempt to bring life to the little area, it wasn't working. She had wanted to crash on the bed, to sleep there, but after nearly two hours of just staring at the ceiling, she'd simply given up and made her way into the living room, so that she could stretch out on the couch. Her hair was finally dry after her shower, and the big t-shirt she was wearing, along with the sweatpants, were far more comfortable than her uniform, however, that did not mean that she could settle down. Every time she would close her eyes, find herself drifting just to the edge of sleep, there it was. Explosions, fire, screaming and people running, visions of blood and bullets whizzing past her head, and yelling, and shoving, and dying, so many people dying. She'd be left jolting upright and sitting there, fighting to catch her breath, fighting to keep her head above water.   
It was almost six in the morning before Victoria finally managed to get herself to sleep. Passed out face down on the couch, she slept hard. She didn't get much however, because at only noon there was a loud knock on her door that pulled her straight from her sleep as though she hadn't been there at all. Coming up off the couch, as though she were still fighting, waiting for the enemy to come bursting through the door, she waited for a moment. Another knock, and her racing heart began to settle. It wasn't someone trying to break in, it was someone trying to get her attention. Closing her eyes tightly, she shook her head and then walked over to the door, pulling it open to find herself standing face to face with Tara and Gemma, and two little boys with golden hair and bright blue eyes. If she had to take a guess, she'd say they were Jackson and Taras kids.   
“Uh...”  
“Did we wake you?”Tara asked, giving a small tilt of her head, concern painting her features for a moment.  
“Yeah, but it's alright, I don't need to be so lazy.”Victoria smiled, moving out of the way to allow the four to enter,”What's going on?”  
“Just wanted to make sure you were doing alright, you bailed on us last night.”Gemma spoke up at this point, sitting the eldest of the two kids down,”You okay?”  
“Yeah, I just, um, I had Chibs, that's his name, yeah, yeah it is.”She stumbled over her words for a moment, then took a deep breath and let it out slowly,”I had him bring me here, he stepped in, made sure it was all clear, and left, I was exhausted, just couldn't deal with the noise last night.”  
“You could have told me you were ready to go, sweetheart, I was worried.”  
“Sorry, Gemma, I saw you with that, I don't know who that was actually, and I didn't want to interrupt your night any more than I already had.”  
“His name's Nero.”  
“Oh, okay, well, I didn't want to interrupt you and Nero.”  
“It's alright, just let me know before you take off next time, okay?”Gemma moved around the apartment for a moment,”Was me doing all this alright?”  
“Uh, yeah, it's alright, I appreciate it.”Victoria smiled, it was strained, she was straining a lot right now, but it wasn't them, it was her, she was struggling and she wasn't about to admit it,”I can pay you back, I just need to get a few things straightened out, and I'll be able to pay you back for everything.”  
“Don't worry about it.”Tara gave a small wave of her hand,”I helped her, we just wanted to make sure that you were all set up so you didn't have to worry about a lot of things.”  
“Okay.”Victoria glanced down at Abel, giving him a small smile, then looked up at Gemma,”I do need to be able to get to the storage building I've got in Stockton, get my things out of there, since I have a place to put it now.”  
“That's another reason we came over, to see if you wanted to go ahead and do that today.”Gemma smiled as she turned to face everyone once more,”What about a car, do you have that handled?”  
“I actually, yeah, I've got a car handled, don't worry, just got to go get it today as well.”  
“Good.”  
Nodding her head, Victoria gave another small smile, dropping her gaze after a second and looking at her sleeping clothes. Scrunching her nose up a bit, she shook her head, and sighed. This was going to turn out to be a long day, she could tell that much already. She was going to have to do a lot of faking where her emotions were concerned. She'd learned a long time ago that Gemma had a tendency to use peoples weaknesses against them, and to her, this counted as a weakness. This was something that could be turned into a weapon against her. Rather that was the truth or not, Victoria wasn't so sure, she really wasn't, but it sure as hell felt that way, so she wasn't taking any chances with this.   
“I'm sure with you having your kids with you, we should be doing this now instead of hanging around and waiting.”Victoria found her voice again, looking over at Tara,”Let me go throw on some clothes, and I'll be alright to head out.”  
“Gemma's dropping me and the boys off at the hospital, I've got some things on schedule that I have to take care of, so yeah, that works.”Tara smiled and nodded her head.  
Giving another small nod, Victoria moved away from everyone and back into the bedroom. She unzipped her duffel and pulled out a Go Army shirt, and a pair of jeans. She didn't have much in the way of clothing right now either, something else in storage that she had to get to today. This would work however. She wasn't aiming to impress anyone. Pulling off her sweats and oversized shirt, she was quick to pull on her clean clothing, stepping into the hall and over to the bathroom. It only took her a few minutes to get herself ready. No make up, no primping herself, she just brushed her hair out and threw it up into a ponytail, and on her way back down the short hallway, stopped to grab her boots. Shoes, clothing, everything, in storage. It was all in storage. The thoughts repeating themselves over and over again like a broken record and it left Victoria shaking her head as she dropped down on the couch, pulling her uniform boots on, and pulling her jeans down over them with a small sigh.  
“I can't wait to get my good shoes back.”She spoke with a small laugh,”Something other than these awful things.”  
“I can believe that.”Tara commented with a laugh of her own, motioning for the eldest child,”Abel sweetheart, come on, we're going to leave now.”  
Heading out to the vehicle, Victoria climbed into the backseat with the kids, sitting just behind the two boys with their bright blond hair, and leaned back into her seat a bit, closing her eyes as she felt the car starting and they were off. Opening her eyes after several good minutes, she could hear Gemma and Tara speaking to one another, but she couldn't really tell what was being said. Sniffing a bit, she decided not to focus too much on it. Instead, she dug her phone out of her pocket and flipped it open, going through her contacts until it landed on the name of the man who had brought her home last night. She wasn't going to lie to herself, she could probably sit and listen to him talk for hours about nothing, if for no other reason than his accent. Probably shallow, but you always started off with physical things anyway, right? Hitting his name, she pulled it up to shoot him a text message, deciding that was better than calling for the moment.

To: Chibs  
[mssg]: Alright pretty boy, now you have my number – Vic

Closing the phone, she grinned a bit to herself and shook her head. She doubted that he would even answer her, maybe it was too early in the day, or maybe he didn't even expect her to actually use it, she really didn't know. However, after two or three minutes, she heard her phone go off, and opened it, seeing that he'd texted her back. She could almost laugh over this. That had honestly been a whole lot faster than she would have guessed. 

From: Chibs  
[mssg]: That I do. Does this mean I can call you anytime? 

Pressing her lips together for a moment, Victoria found herself thinking about the question. That was a loaded question. That gave opportunity for him to call if she was in the middle of a breakdown, that meant that it gave opportunity for him to know too much about what was going on with her. Then again, that would also mean having someone around here to talk to that seemed, at least from what little she gathered from him last night, to have half a brain on his head. Not to say any of the other club members didn't, but she was wary, and yet, she'd let him take her home. Had to count for something, right?   
To: Chibs  
[mssg]: Yes you can. Just don't get too clingy with me about it lol

From: Chibs  
[mssg]: Oh no, don't want that to happen now do we? 

To: Chibs  
[mssg]: Nope, that might lead to me actually liking you. That could be devastating lol

From: Chibs  
[mssg]: You mean I have a chance? Good to know. 

To: Chibs  
[mssg]: Don't go getting too carried away there. There's potential. Nothing more.

From: Chibs  
[mssg]: Better odds than I thought I had last night. I'll take it.

To: Chibs  
[mssg]: Oh really? As long as it's something you can work with lol. Anyway, got to go. Talk later. 

From: Chibs  
[mssg]: I hope we do 

Victoria put her phone back into her pocket as they pulled up to the hospital, looking up as Tara got out of the vehicle, coming to the back pulling the door open, getting the youngest boy out of his car seat, while the eldest got himself unbuckled, and climbed out. Victoria waited until both of the kids were out of the way before climbing out as well. She shut the door behind her, and grabbed the handle to the front door, giving Tara and the two kids a small smile, and she went to climb into the front seat as they walked towards the front door. Gemma had got out to help them, holding the eldest boy by the hand, and the four of them headed inside. Victoria didn't want to go in there, she didn't want to go in any hospital, if it could be helped, but she knew in a few days, that wouldn't be the case, and she would be heading up to Oakland to the V.A hospital. Sighing, she closed her eyes and leaned her head back, closing her eyes tightly. Everything had her on edge, and she wasn't exactly sure where to find her comfort zone in all of this.


	3. Chapter 3

Victoria didn't even realize that she'd dozed off until Gemma pulled the car door open and jerked her awake. She turned quickly, backing herself against the passenger side door, and the other woman took a moment to watch her, looking worried, concerned, a little nervous. Forcing herself to relax just a little bit, Victoria gave a bit of a laugh and shook her head, scooting back into her seat properly, and relaxing into it. It wasn't her fault that sometimes she was still in the desert. She'd only been home for a day, there had to be some credit given there, some space to give her a second to adjust.  
“You decide to nap on me?”Gemma asked, while she finished climbing into the SUV and started it up.  
“Apparently, although I don't remember dozing.”  
Gemma smiled a bit, giving a very small shake of her head, while she started up the SUV. In only a couple of seconds, they were on the road again. Victoria was looking around, taking everything in, and it dawned on her that they weren't heading towards the interstate, they weren't heading towards Stockton, but instead they were towards the garage. Frowning just a bit to herself, she glanced over at the older woman that was operating the vehicle, and wanted to ask what it was that they were doing, however, before a chance was given, they were pulling up into the large, open parking lot, and Gemma pulled into a space that put her fairly close to the garage.  
The doors to the garage were open, and there was a car in each space, and guys were moving around in blue work shirt, covered in grease, some of them looking rough, and it was obvious they'd been partying last night with the club, however, nobody missed a beat. Victoria climbed out of the SUV with Gemma, and started towards the garage, wrapping her arms around herself as she hurried forward. Stepping inside the office, Victoria saw Chuckie sitting there, and she had to fight with her need to look at his fake hands, wondering to herself how it was that he came to only have thumbs and nothing else. Of course, she wasn't rude enough to ask, because that would mean maybe one day having to share her story, and she wasn't quite in a position to do that.  
“Hey, you're Victoria, right?”Chuckie spoke up, while Gemma moved around the office, pulling down files and paperwork.  
“Yeah, that'd be me.”She smiled,”Chuckie, right?”  
“Yeah, oh yeah, that's me, I work in here with Gemma.”He explained, grinning wide, and nodding his head up and down furiously for a moment.  
“So you are going to be sticking around, huh?”He asked, giving a small tilt of his head.  
“Yeah, I'm sticking around, Chuckie.”Victoria answered, with a small laugh, only to turn her head quickly when she heard someone chuckle from the main door of the office, seeing Chibs and Jax standing there, and Chibs was grinning.  
“Good ta know yer stickin' 'round, girlie.”He spoke as they both stepped inside.   
“What are you looking for, mom?”Jax spoke after a moment, glancing over to Victoria then back to Gemma.  
“Just getting some papers together for later, making sure that I have everything together, even with Chuckie here, I've fallen behind on some stuff around here.”She explained, looking up at Jax,”Everything alright, baby?”  
“Yeah, just taking care of some club shit,”He reached to hug her, pressing a kiss to her cheek, before looking to Victoria,”You helpin' her out today, too?”  
“More like she's helping me out.”She answered,”My stuff is in storage, and I need to pick my car up.”  
“Trying to help her finish getting completely settled.”Gemma farther explained,”Girl needs to be on her feet and taking care of herself, right sweetheart?”  
“Yeah.”Victoria pushed herself up off the couch, and sniffed, shoving her hands in her pocket,”I'm going to go wait by the car.”  
“Alright, I'll be there in a minute.”  
Stepping past Jax, she gave him a brief smile, and she started to move around Chibs, having to pause for just a second when he moved just a bit in front of her as if to keep her there. Flicking her gaze up towards him, she arched a brow, and that grin on his face caused her to grin right back at him, something a little more relaxed, only a little, and a tad more genuine. That seemed to be enough to satisfy him because he moved the small space needed for her to get around him. Shaking her head, she stepped outside of the office and started across the lot, pressing her lips together in a thin line. There were too many people in that small space, and it left her head spinning. Of course, she wasn't going to admit that out loud, it wasn't the business of anyone around her to know what was happening with her head. Coming around to stand at the SUV, Victoria, leaned against it, closing her eyes tightly for a moment, pulling in several deep breaths of air.   
“Girlie.”The voice was quick, and pulled her out of her attempt to relax,”You always one for runnin' off on people?”  
“If it suits me, yes.”She opened her eyes, and found herself face to face with Chibs,”Do you always chase after people?”  
“Depen's on the person, I suppose.”  
“Interesting.”She commented lightly, leaning herself harder into the car, as if that would make her disappear,”And Jackson isn't questioning why you're running over here to say hello to the new girl, or is your plan to make everyone assume we slept together?”  
“Nah, not m'plan, I ain't really one on plannin' shite, girlie.”He snorted, giving a small shake of his head,”Ya don' got ta be suspicious of m'motives, ya know, s'not like I'm goin' ta try anythin' that ain't welcome.”  
“Alright.”She tilted her head, looking up at him,”Thanks for taking me home last night, by the way, I don't know if I thanked you or not, if I did well...have another.”  
“Yer welcome.”He chuckled,”Ya did thank me las' night, but I'll take it 'gain.”  
Victoria did give a small laugh over that, the sound probably a little more forced than she would have liked, but at least she managed to get it out, and that had to count for something. Opening her mouth to say something, she heard a whistle, and watched as Chibs leaned back a bit, looking to see what was going on, and then his attention was back on her, brows knitted together, leaving her wondering for a split second what was going on in his head.  
“I got ta get outta here.”He said quickly,”See you later?”  
“Maybe.”  
“Only maybe?”  
“Let me see how moving my shit goes first.”  
“Aye,”He nodded his head, stepping back away from her, and turning quick on his heel,”Stay safe, girlie.”  
Giving a very small nod of her head, she watched as he walked off. That left her alone, the silence filling the space quickly, and she took advantage of it, finding her eyes drifting closed again, and she pulled in several deep breaths of air. Two more days and she'll have her appointment, and then she'll have everything being put in place, and she'll finally have some sense of control. It took them six months to recognize what was going on with her. Six months of this hell, her mind not really being her own anymore, and now she was going to be able to slowly get it back. There was a great deal of relief that came with that. Hearing the beeping sound that comes with the doors unlocking, Victoria pushed away from the side of the car and turned to climb inside. She glanced back as she did so, seeing the different club members climbing on their bike, her eyes settling on Chibs for a moment, as the sound of bikes starting up filled the air, and after only a moment, they were pulling out and leaving the lot. She turned herself forward and settled down in the passenger seat, while Gemma moved to join her, turning the key over and starting the SUV, neither of them speaking for the moment. She was okay with that. The silence wasn't awkward or deafening, it was just that, silence.  
They were nearly to Stockton, and Victoria had spent most of the hour or so trip just staring out the window. There hadn't been much need for conversation, although at once point Gemma had got a call from Tara, and was informed that it wouldn't be long before they'd have to head back to pick up her and the kids. Victoria sniffed a bit as she sat there, shifting back and forth almost as though she were uncomfortable. She wasn't, however, her mind was drifting, and that wasn't something she needed to have happen right now. She didn't need it happening at all, if it could be helped.  
“You and Chibs seem to be getting along well.”Gemma finally commented.  
“Sure, I guess you could call it that.”  
“He isn't trying to get in your pants, is he?”  
“Probably, but he hasn't outright said it.”Victoria glanced over at Gemma,”For the best, because all that's going to do is assure that I turn him down so fast his head spins.”  
“Chibs is a decent guy, I like him, he's been good to the club, and Jax, since he arrived here.”  
“Yeah.”  
“You could try to seem like your interested in things, you know.”Gemma shot out, glancing over at Victoria,”You're in a shell, I'm not stupid, I remember how you used to be, you were far more alive than this, now it's like pulling teeth to get a conversation out of you.”  
“There isn't much I've got to say these days.”She quickly shot back, glancing over at the older woman,”What would you like for me to do? Pour my heart out to you, cry a little, maybe give you or anyone else around here a chance to judge me?”  
“Why do you think that would happen?”  
“Doesn't matter, just understand that I'm not eighteen anymore, so you can't expect me to be the same girl I was.”  
Pulling past the gate that leads into the storage area, the silence fell between the two of them again. Victoria didn't like this, being snappy and shut off. She didn't like having to push people out, she'd never been one for enjoying it. However, right now, for this very moment in time, she honestly didn't know what else to do. The idea was just to live her life, to move past the things seen, the things lost, and to her, that meant avoiding it, not reliving it every time someone asked if she was doing okay. She wasn't doing okay. She hadn't been doing okay for months. Shaking her head, she pushed the car door open and stepped out of it when Gemma shut the SUV off. It wasn't smart to open her mouth and get snappy with this woman, it wasn't smart because in this little world that she found herself in, Gemma was the Queen, Tara too if she really stopped to think about it. She was little orphan Annie, who was still finding her place compared to these two   
“Sweetheart, you call me up in the middle of the night, tell me that you're flying home, I'm the only person you've had to keep contact with in the last twelve years, and that was just bare minimum to let me know that you weren't dead.”Gemma paused for a moment, keeping her eyes on Victoria as she unlocked the storage locker,”Why did you come back here if you don't want to be here?”  
“It doesn't matter where I would have landed, Gemma.”Victoria corrected, pushing the door up and stepping inside,”I wasn't ready to return to civilian life, but I didn't have a choice, so I could have ended up anywhere in the world, and this is what you'd get out of me.”  
“What happened over there?”  
Victoria didn't answer, in fact, she pretended that she didn't even hear the question while she moved around the little area, sighing to herself as she started to pull boxes out, checking what was written on them. There wasn't many, three that said personal, three garbage bags full of clothing, there was a few other odds and ends here, and it would all easily fit in the SUV. That was the joy of being single and being forced to move around a lot. When it came to moving again, you didn't have to go through hours and hours of work. It all fit nicely in a few boxes.   
“A lot of things happened.”She finally spoke up, lifting her head to look up at Gemma from where she had knelt down on the ground,”A lot, Gemma, and some of it was shit that wasn't even suppose to happen to me.”  
“What do you mean by that?”  
“I was an M.P., ya know, Military Police, I wasn't suppose to necessarily get directly involved in combat situations, but shit happened, and now we're here, and I don't have a job anymore.”She pressed her lips together tightly, brows furrowing as she grabbed up the box and moved to stand,”I've lost my purpose, I guess is a far better way to look at it.”  
“You were a cop?”  
“That would be the part of my statement you zone in on.”  
“I heard you loud and clear, sweetheart, I'm just trying to understand what made you decide to do that.”  
“Because I wanted to be shipped to the desert, because I wanted to do something that mattered, something that didn't have me just sitting on the sidelines.”Victoria glanced over her shoulder,”It was my job to enforce military law, make arrests, do investigations, stop bad people from doing bad shit to good people who were merely trying to survive.”  
“Seems like you were out there doing a lot of good for the world.”There was a hint of sarcasm to her words, and it wasn't missed, leaving Victoria shooting her a look as she made her way around to the back of the SUV. More silence, while she quickly packed her boxes away, and her bags, getting everything inside that she could, and then she closed up the back, turning once more to face Gemma when she did.  
“Don't patronize me.”Victoria stated firmly,”Don't act like you know anything, you know your world, this life, these rules, but there, in that world, I was just as much on the fringes as you are now, and it was just as dirty, just as ugly, but, despite the similarities, they are, at the end of the day, very different worlds, and you will never be able to wrap your mind around the sight of half a baby laying in the street, blood pooled around it, you'll never wrap your mind around the sounds of bombs dropping, women crying as they find their children and husbands buried under debris, you don't know war, Gemma.”  
“I wasn't patronizing you, Vic.”Gemma corrected, holding a hand up,”But you'd be smart not to talk to me like that, being rude doesn't get you far around here.”  
“Sorry.”She dropped her gaze, turning and moving towards the passenger side of the SUV again, and climbed inside. That was the end, at least for her, of the conversation. She'd said far more than she'd wanted to in the first place, and it ended with her chest feeling tight, breathing feeling a little more difficult than it should be. Mind racing, heart racing, her head spinning, everything momentarily feeling off center. Gemma climbing in had her looking over at the woman, and she sniffed a bit, finding herself quickly looking away, turning her attention towards what was going on outside of the vehicle as it started to move again.  
“It's only been a day, you're still getting used to everything.”Gemma finally spoke up,”Sorry I keep pushing you sweetheart, I just want to make sure that you're doing alright.”  
“I'll be alright.”Victoria responded, having given herself a moment to toss her thoughts around, get the words out right,”It's just going to take a little bit, so, just understand it's nothing against you, it's nothing against anyone, I'm just not where I should be right now.”  
“Meaning?”  
“Meaning that I need to adjust.”  
That was the end of the conversation. That was the end of it for the rest of the day, which was spent picking up Tara and the two boys, and then taking her back to the apartment so she could dump her things in the living room. One more trip to go, and she'd be done. She needed to get to Oakland, where her car was waiting on her. That was a far longer trip, and she wasn't sure that she was content with Gemma taking her. She didn't know if she wanted to make that trip with the woman that had been running her around everywhere. Leaving an opening for more questions, more conversations, that Victoria did not want to have. Standing in her apartment, she'd told Gemma to go home, that she'd have her friend bring the car down. That wasn't exactly her plan, but Gemma didn't need to know that. Instead of calling her friend, an old Army buddy that had retired back to his own little piece of paradise, as he'd often refer to it, she called up Chibs, hoping that maybe he wasn't dealing with anything and could come get her. There would be no conversations on a bike, there would be no questions, only silence and then she'd have her car, and she'd be alone again. It seemed reasonable enough. Pressing the phone to her ear, she waited, listening as it rang several times before clicking over to voicemail, and she waited for a moment until she was able to leave a message for him.  
“Hey, pretty boy,”She paused for a moment, sighing a bit,”Don't mean to bother you or anything, but when you're able, give me a call back, alright.”  
Clicking the phone shut, Victoria made her way over to the couch, dropping herself down on it. She didn't want to unpack anything right now, she didn't want to deal with it. Instead she turned herself sideways and stretched herself out across the couch, finding herself dozing once more in a matter of minutes. Her mind and body exhausted, more so than she realized.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these first four chapters have everything at a slow start, however, there is a reason for that. A need for build up in terms of Victoria and her PTSD, before throwing in any action and things. However, to those that are still reading despite this, I greatly thank you, and I hope that you're enjoying this!

Fire. So much fire. And smoke. And it was filling her lungs. There was screaming, and people running, and she could hear bombs dropping, and buildings collapsing, and blood on the streets, bodies, there was a child, she remembers that child, running to it, dead, it was dead. Hands grabbing her, pulling her, jerking her backwards, trying to get her to get away. Pulling and yanking, shouting out orders, telling people to move, get out of the way.   
“Marshall, move, you need to move.”The voice is one she knows well, and Victoria turns to look, it's her commanding officer,”We have to get back, let the others come in and handle this.”  
“These people need our help, we can't just run, we're not trained to run.”  
“We're not equipped to handle this, Marshall!”He shouted, tugging at her arm.  
It was the same thing over, and over again, the woman bleeding out on the sidewalk, her legs missing, the smell of burning flesh filling her nose. Everything was chaos, it was death and chaos.   
Jerking awake, Victoria found herself rolling off the couch, landing on her hands and knees on the floor, pulling in deep breaths, sweat coating her skin, her whole body shaking. Blood, so much blood, so much screaming, children dying, mothers sobbing and yelling, begging for help. The images flashing, dancing around, forcing their way to the front of her mind. She can't escape, she can't get away from them. Panic making her chest tight, and she's panting, breathing rapidly, everything inside of her collapsing. There was a loud knock on the door, and it causes her to jump, to yelp before she can stop it, pushing herself up against the couch, trying to get her mind back to the here and now, another loud knock. No, stop, don't come in. You can't come in.   
Pushing herself as best as she can to her feet, Victoria sucks in deep breaths of air, fighting to gain some control over herself, fighting to bring herself completely back to the here and now, walking carefully towards the door. Another loud knock, and she hears the voice on the other end, male, and she recognizes it, and it has her pulling the door open as quickly as she can, looking up at Chibs, as he moves past her without saying a word, into the apartment. Moving around, Chibs seemed to be taking a moment to check everything, while she closed the door, leaning against it, hands shaking, her whole body was shaking, fighting to catch her breath, to get herself under control before he stopped to get a good look at her. She could cry, she wanted to cry, to curl up and pretend that the world didn't exist for a few hours. Finally turning to face her, Chibs seemed to take a moment to really take in how she was looking, and there was that concern, that curiosity on his features once more.  
“Ya told me ta call, been callin' fer hours now.”He spoke slowly,”What happened?”  
“I uh, nothing happened.”She shook her head, pushing away from the door, slowly walking towards the couch,”I must have um, I dozed, and I guess I didn't hear the phone go off, I'm sorry.”  
She wasn't really sure how she was talking, she wasn't sure how she was moving. Victoria wasn't sure how she was doing anything. The images still vivid in her head, still replaying on repeat, as though someone had turned a movie on and just kept playing it over and over again without pausing or changing the disc. She wanted it to stop, she wanted the panic that she was feeling to stop, but it wasn't. Curling her hands into tight fists, she dug her nails hard into her palms, hoping the sting of that would push the rest of it away, give her something to focus on. It didn't help that Chibs was watching her as though he could see right through her very poor act. Then again, it was a poor act, and from the little bit that she'd spoken to him, he wasn't coming off as a stupid man.   
“That's it?”He questioned, turning as she moved so that he was facing her the entire time,”Ya jus' slept through yer phone goin' off, and what abou' that shout I heard when I was knockin'?”  
“That, just, you surprised me, I wasn't exactly prepared for someone to come banging on my door.”She shrugged, leaning forward and reaching up to brush her fingers through her hair, pushing it back.  
“Al'ight.”He sniffed a bit, crossing his arms over his chest, leaning back just a bit as he watched her,”So what's it ya called me 'bout?”  
Pausing for a moment, Victoria frowned just a bit, trying to quiet the things tossing around in her mind so that she could focus on the conversation. She had definitely called him before she'd gone to sleep, and she should have kept herself from dozing in order to avoid this whole mess. He was seeing far more than she really wanted anyone to. She couldn't really do anything to stop it either, there was no reigning it in, and Victoria really wasn't sure that she was fond of the fact that he was acting as though he could see right through what she was saying. Why didn't he just look the other way? That would be a whole lot simpler.   
“I had called about, uh,”She sat up straight again, looking up at him,”To see if there was any way you could take me to Oakland, my car is there, and I didn't want to ride with Gemma again.”  
“Why not, eve'ythin' okay?”  
“Yeah, oh yeah.”She nodded,”Everything's fine, she was just asking a lot of questions that I can't answer right now, I didn't want to deal with awkward silence.”  
“What sort o' questions?”He asked, his arms dropping as he walked over to where she was, turning and bringing himself down on the couch next to her.   
“Eh, just about what happened while I was deployed,”Victoria gave a small shrug of her shoulder,”Heart's in the right place, but my mind isn't, so there's a clash of interest.”  
“So yer plan on stayin' away from tha' was ta call me?”  
“Yeah, although when you word it like that, I feel as though I've made a mistake.”  
There was a pause when she spoke, and then Chibs laughed. The sound caught her off guard, and she leaned away from him a bit, turning sideways in her seat so that she could get a better look at him. Victoria didn't understand what she'd said that was so funny, but he looked more than amused by her, by her words. Scrunching her nose up just a bit, she tilted her head as she waited for him to settle down, looking over at her after a few moments of laughter, and shaking his head.  
“Nah, ya didn' make a mistake,”He finally spoke,”But ya got ta realize that hidin' ain't goin' to stop 'er or anyone else from askin' questions.”  
“Yes, I know this.”She frowned a bit,”I'm not hiding, but you know, it's been less than forty-eight hours since I've been here, I'm not really in the mood to sit down and share my life story with anyone.”  
“An' ya think I won' ask?”  
“I was hoping not.”  
Nodding his head, Chibs pushed himself to his feet, and walked across the living room, stepping through the open door way that lead into the kitchen. Victoria didn't let her eyes leave him the entire time, that small frown still sitting on her features. She wondered what he was doing, although stepping in there, it wasn't hard to guess. Getting something to drink, probably a beer, she had beer in there, among other things. Pushing herself up off the couch, she shook her head, glancing down at her hands. They weren't shaking as badly as they had been, but they were still going, and her stomach was still twisted into tight knots, she could still smell smoke, taste the desert air, feel the heat of fire, and hear the screaming, but it was becoming more and more distant with each passing moment that she was conscious.  
“Can I ask ye one question?”Chibs finally spoke, reaching into the fridge and grabbing a beer, much like she'd suspected that he was going to do, turning around as he shut the fridge, so that he was facing her,”Without it botherin' ya too much.”  
“If you have to ask because you think it might bother me...”She pointed out, both eyebrows shooting up as she looked at him, pushing away from the wall, so that she could make her way around him, pulling the fridge open and grabbing a beer for herself,”However, since you actually asked, yeah, you can ask me one question.”  
“Well thank ya fer yer kindness.”He snorted, taking a drink of his beer, leaning his hip against the counter,”Do ya have nightmares?”  
“That's the question you choose to ask me?”She turned to face him, her lips pulled down in a hard frown, and there was this need to tell him to simply mind his own business, that she didn't know what he was talking about,”Yeah, I have nightmares from time to time, why do you want to know?”  
“Jus' curious, mostly 'cause ya looked all riled up when I came in.”He shrugged his shoulder, taking another drink of his beer,”Is tha' why ya didn' answer yer phone?”  
“I thought you were only going to ask one question?”She shot back, looking down at the floor for a moment,”But yeah, that's why.”  
“Al'ight.”He pushed away from the counter and moved towards her, coming to stand in front of her,”I'll take ya up ta Oakland, but we won' be goin' alone, can' do tha', so ya al'ight with havin' friends come along?”  
“That's fine, I understand.”She nodded her head, finding herself a bit surprised that he didn't take a chance to push a little farther with his questions,”Who were you going to ask to come with us?”  
“Probably Happy and Tig.”He answered without really missing a beat,”Don' need everyone, jus' a few guys.”  
Nodding her head, Victoria turned and started back towards the living room, hearing him moving behind her. Picking up her phone, she looked at the time and sighed a bit. It was definitely too late to be heading up that way tonight. Seven o'clock felt late at least, when you take into account that it was a several hour ride there. Sniffing a bit, she sat her phone down and turned to look at Chibs, seeing him standing there just drinking his beer like he was completely at home here. That was something she was a little unsure of. Wouldn't a person need a little bit of time to be comfortable in a new place, around someone they barely know? Maybe he just didn't give a shit.   
“When d'ya want ta go?”He asked, lowering the beer as he spoke.  
“Not tonight, it's probably too late to head up that way.”  
“Aye, it'd be late 'fore ya got back.”Chibs chuckled a bit,”Still didn' answer m'question though.”  
“Tomorrow?”She tilted her head,”If you can, of course.”  
“Aye, I should be able ta do that,”He nodded his head,”Somethin' comes up tha' would keep me from takin' ya, I can let ya know.”  
“Yeah, that would be appreciated.”She flashed a small smile, the sound of her phone buzzing against the table pulling at her attention.   
Reaching down, she grabbed for it, looking at the number and there was a pause. That small smile quickly dropped, and she brought herself over to the couch, sitting down on it. Turning the phone back and forth in her hand, Victoria closed her eyes tightly, pulling in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. When she opened her eyes, she tilted her head up to see Chibs watching her, beer half way to his mouth, frozen in place, and he looked wary. He slowly lowered his beer, and took a step towards her, Victoria quickly shooting her hand up to tell him to stop, wait right there, she didn't need to be taken care of. Swiping to accept the call, she brought the phone up to her ear, not missing that she was shaking all over again, the tightness in her chest returning, making it difficult to breath.  
“Hello.”She spoke quickly, closing her eyes tightly,”What's going on?”  
“Lieutenant Marshall?”The male voice on the other end spoke,”It's good to hear from you, I was calling to check on you.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I heard you were back in the states, and I heard about what went down.”  
“Has everyone heard?”  
“Yeah, news travels fast, was curious if you wanted to meet up.”  
“Uh, I really don't know about that.”  
Glancing up as the conversation went on, she could see the questions written all over Chibs face, and she wanted to stand and move, go in the other room. He was probably coming to conclusions based on what he was hearing from her end. This was why she was wary of people being around right now. This is why she didn't want anyone asking questions or being close, or trying to bother her. She hated being alone, hated the feeling of it, the way it left her isolated to some extent, but right now, it all felt overwhelming.   
“Why not?”  
“Because I have a lot of things I've got to get done before I'm going to be doing anything.”She paused for a moment, pulling her gaze away from the man standing in front of her,”I'm not up for it, okay, I'm just not up for it.”  
“We've been friends since basic, just let me see you, see that you're whole, that's all I'm asking.”  
“Jeremy.”She sighed, moving to stand this time,”Fine, fine, when and where?”  
“I'm up in Oregon, been doing this whole travel cross-country thing since I got back, I could come your way.”  
“Okay, you know I'm back in my hometown, right?”  
“Outside of Oakland, right?”  
“A few hours give or take, yeah.”  
“Alright, when I get close, I'll call you up and get better directions, how about that?”  
“Fine, fine.”Her hold on her phone tightened just a little bit,”That doesn't give me a when, however.”  
“Probably late tonight, early tomorrow morning,”Jeremy spoke quickly,”So, tomorrow afternoon, if you're good for that.”  
“Tomorrow evening, I've got some things to do in the afternoon.”  
“Fair enough.”  
“I have to go, alright.”  
“This was still a call to check on you, you going to tell me how you're doing, Marshall?”  
“Don't worry, I've got myself handled, you just worry about your trip, yeah?”  
“Alright, fair enough, I'll talk to you soon.”  
“Goodnight, Jeremy.”  
Clicking the phone shut, she set it down on the table, and began to pace. Taking several deep breaths, she worked to pull everything back beneath the surface. Another face, another person, someone else that was going to ask questions. Didn't help that he was aware of what happened, thanks to everyone doing their best to stay in contact with everyone. Biting down on her bottom lip, she chewed on it, pulling it between her teeth until she could taste blood. Moving back and forth, Victoria let her mind get wrapped up in the things that were running through it, forgetting for the time being that there was someone standing there with it. The hand that gripped down on her shoulder stopped her however, causing her to jerk in surprise, and without thinking, she spun, bringing her arm up, hand curled into a tight fist, swinging it with every intention of knocking the head off of whoever had grabbed her. The crash of glass against the floor, and then Chibs grabbed her by the wrist, just barely stopping her, leaning his head back out of her reach. Staring at him wide eyed, she felt her jaw drop for a moment, her whole body shaking with the adrenaline coursing through her.  
“Jesus Chris', girlie.”He snapped, frowning at her,”What're ya doin'?”  
“Shit.”She hissed, twisting her wrist in his grasp,”I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.”  
“Remind me not ta let anyone sneak up on ya,”He grunted, letting go of her and taking a step back,”Ya could'a taken my head off.”  
“Look, I'm really sorry, alright, I am.”She got the words out as quickly as possible,”I didn't mean to swing at you like that, I just, you surprised me when you grabbed hold of me, that's all.”  
“Aye, I noticed.”  
“You're not pissed, are you?”  
“Shocked, no' pissed, girlie.”He looked down at the beer bottle on the floor, tipped over and spilling out,”Ya always get caught off guard like tha'?”  
“Yeah.”It was a simple answer as she leaned down to pick the bottle up, ignoring the way every part of her was shaking right now,”Yeah, I do.”  
Moving once she'd picked the bottle up, she made her way towards the kitchen, not looking at Chibs, not looking anywhere but straight ahead. This was not good, this meant more questions, more talking about things she seriously did not want to be talking about. Footsteps behind her, more footsteps, he was just going to keep following her from room to room, wasn't he? Of course he was, and she could feel him staring a hole through the back of her head, though she'd admit she was grateful that he wasn't looking at her face right now. Tossing the bottle away, she reached for the roll of paper towels on the counter, and turned, only to come face to face with him again, causing her to take a quick step back.   
“What?”  
“You ain't doin' so good, are ya?”  
“I'm doing just fine.”  
“Night terrors, and ya nearly knocked m'head off for trying to get you to stop, your need to avoid people, includin' someone that clearly knows ya pretty well.”He arched his brow,”Ya tryin' to sell me some shite I ain't buyin', girlie.”  
“I've been state side two days, I spent over a thousand days in the desert before that, off and on for the last four years.”She shook her head,”It's going to take me a minute to get my shit together, I don't know what else to tell you.”  
“Aye, al'ight, al'ight.”He held both hands up, taking a step back,”Just seen shite like this before s'all.”  
“Well, good for you.”  
“Oi, don' go bein' mouthy with me, girlie.”  
“Sorry.”  
“Ya should be.”  
“Oh yeah?”She found herself frowning at him again, crossing her arms over her chest,”And why's that?”  
“Because I ain't doin' a damn thing to ya other than showin' an ounce of concern,”He pointed out,”Somethin' I don' got ta do 'cause I barely know ya.”  
“Sound logic.”  
“Ya don' seem too impressed by it.”  
“Not really.”  
“Ya got 'lot more goin' on with ya than just getting used ta shite again, don't ya?”  
“It doesn't really matter.”  
“Why?”  
“What good does it do to sit and fret over it?”She questioned in return, tilting her head just a bit,”So you, or anyone else can feel sorry for me? Use it against me? No. And I sure as hell won't sit and feel sorry for myself either.”  
There was a small moment of silence between the two of them, and then the sound of a phone going off again. Chibs dug around in his pocket, and pulled out his burner, leaving Victoria watching him closely for a bit. He seemed to take a second before flipping the phone open, pressing it to his ear. The conversation was short, and then the phone was closed again, and hidden away once more into his pocket. Turning his full attention back on her, he frowned just a bit.  
“I got ta get.”He explained,”Shite goin' on and Jackie boy needs m'help.”  
“Okay, then go.”She motioned for him to lead the way out of the kitchen,”Let me know if you can't take me tomorrow.”  
Following him out of the kitchen, Victoria came to stand in the middle of her living room, hugging herself while he made his way towards the door. Once he was there, she moved again, clearing the space between them as he pulled the door open. Grabbing it, she moved to lean against it while he stepped outside, only to pause, turning to look at her for a moment. Victoria gave him a small, rather apologetic smile as he did so, only for him to smile in return. Not something she expected because of the conversation they had been getting into.   
“Goodnight, Chibs.”She spoke quickly,”I uh, don't know what's going on, but be safe.”  
“G'night, girlie.”He nodded his head,”Aye, I'll try. Get some rest.”  
With that, he turned and headed off, leaving her shutting the door behind her. Chibs heard the door closing behind him, and frowned the moment there was something between the two of them. He wasn't sure what to do with that conversation, he wasn't sure what to do with any part of this little visit, other than to toss it around in his head. It left him a little wary, a little uncertain, but as he climbed on his bike, leaning forward to start it up, he shrugged those things away. Jax needed him, and that meant he needed to focus on whatever was ahead of him for the night.


	5. Chapter 5

The sound of bikes pulling up had Victoria looking up from her computer. She'd been sitting in front of it for the majority of the morning, after she'd got a call from Chibs telling her that he'd be there soon. Blinking, she pulled in a deep breath, and shut her computer off, and got to her feet, already dressed and ready to go. Jeans and a t-shirt, a zip up hoodie to keep her warm on the back of the bike. Normal stuff. Before Victoria even had a chance to make it to the door, there was a knock, and she frowned just a bit, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. At least he was on point, and it was starting to seem like all the time too. Nothing wrong with that.  
Pulling the door open, she flashed him a smile, her eyes flicking to the two men behind him. The two named Tig and Happy, although that Happy guy didn't look the least bit like his nickname would suggest. Returning her gaze to his, both his eyebrows shot up as he looked at her for a moment, and she sniffed a bit, motioning for them to come inside. Turning, she moved around the apartment, gathering up her things, her phone, her wallet, stuff that she would need on her for the duration of the day.   
“How ya feelin' t'day?”Chibs spoke up, causing Victoria to turn and look at him,”Been a'right?”  
“Yeah, it's been a good day.”She answered, giving a small nod of her head, shoving her phone and wallet into her hoodie pockets, jingling the keys to her apartment in her hand for a moment, before shrugging,”We heading out?”  
“Aye, c'mon.”  
With that, they were heading out the door, Tig and Happy both making effort to say hello to her, and Victoria returned it, giving them small smiles as they walked towards the bikes. Climbing on, after Chibs, she waited for a moment, while he leaned forward and started the bike up, before wrapping her arms around his middle so that she could hold on, feeling slightly, silently, proud of herself, that the sound of the bikes didn't leave her panicking and unable to breathe. Today really was proving to be a good day for her.   
The ride to Oakland turned out to be a lot longer than she had been expecting, but she'd found herself enjoying it, able to tune out the rumble of the bikes after awhile, her head turning back and forth to take in the scenery. She could easily see why any of these guys would prefer being on a bike instead of driving anything else. They stopped at a gas station to fill up, and she explained to Chibs where her car was, where the person that kept it for her lived, and he seemed a little wary, saying he had to make a phone call, before stepping around to the side of the building. That left her slightly confused, but she didn't ask, she wasn't sure that she wanted to honestly know.   
Pulling up to the house, Victoria hopped off the bike first, stretching her legs, and wrapping her arms around herself, starting for the front door, glancing back to see the three men hesitating, before Chibs started to follow her. She frowned again, more of that curiosity eating away at her, but she said nothing, asked for no answers. Hopping up the steps, she knocked on the door, and the guy that opened the door paused as he eyed Chibs, before looking at Victoria with a slight tilt of his head.  
“Didn't tell me you'd be bringin' friends.”He pointed out, giving a bit of a laugh.  
“Yeah well, how else was I suppose to get here?”She joked, grinning at him as he stepped out on the porch, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug.  
“It's good to see you home, Vic.”He spoke quickly, patting her back,”Heard about what happened.”  
“I keep getting told that.”She joked, scrunching her nose a bit, before motioning towards Chibs,”This is Chibs, and uh,...Chibs, this is my former Commanding Officer, Alan Brady.”  
“Good t'meet ya.”Chibs commented, reaching his hand out, shaking the others.  
“You too.”Alan motioned for them to come inside,”You, uh, should probably bring your buddies in too.”  
“We're good here.”  
“Really?”  
“Aye, don' worry.”  
Stepping inside, Victoria found herself looking around for a moment, taking several deep breaths as she listened to the short conversation. Again, questions, so many questions, and she could probably guess the answers to them, but there was this fear of actually hearing them said out loud. Although, if she was going to keep asking Chibs for help with things, she should probably not be so fearful of the company keeps. Shaking her head of the thoughts, she turned and looked at Alan, giving another smile.  
“How you been holding up, kid?”  
“Okay.”She nodded,”I've been okay, good days, bad days, you know the routine.”  
“Yeah, yeah.”His words trailed off for a moment, glancing down at the ground, before rubbing his leg,”Well, your car is safe and sound, and I've got it in the garage, went and filled the tank for you last night.”  
“You didn't have to do that.”  
“I know, I just figured I'd help a friend out.”  
Shaking her head, she gave a bit of a laugh, wanting to roll her eyes, but she withheld, she did appreciate the kindness. Alan had been a friend of hers for a long time, he'd been her C.O from the time she got out of basic, and though he retired, coming home a good year before she got to, she still kept in touch. One of the few people that she could say that she absolutely trusted. He had a good heart, and a good head on his shoulders, something she could definitely appreciate.   
“Listen, you need anything kid, you let me know, I'll be right there.”Alan spoke as they made their way into the garage,”You got my number, right?”  
“Yeah, I do, and I really appreciate it.”She smiled, taking the keys as he handed them over,”Thank you, for this, for helping me, I didn't expect to be home so soon.”  
“Sometimes it's for the best.”He stated firmly, giving her a pointed look,”You going to be alright?”  
“I am, I'll be fine.”She assured, nodding her head slowly,”Just need time, right?”  
“Exactly, and give yourself that time too, don't go doing anything stupid on me.”  
“Wish I could make that guarantee, CO.”She teased, letting out another laugh, shaking her head,”You know me,”  
“Yeah, I do, which is why I'm sayin' that.”He glanced up at Chibs, giving him the same hard, pointed look,”She going to be running with you boys, you better watch her ass, or I'll have yours.”  
“Careful.”Chibs warned, only to arch his brow when that simply made Alan laugh,”She's safe.”  
“Yeah, that's what I thought.”Alan snorted, rolling his eyes a bit, returning his attention to Victoria,”Get home, kid, I'm just a phone call away.”  
“Alright, alright.”She moved to hug him again, closing her eyes as she pulled away, swallowing hard,”I'll talk to you soon.”  
“Damn right you will, I expect you to keep up with checkin' up on me, never know what might happen.”He patted her shoulder, before moving back so that she could get in the car.  
Chibs walked over towards her, and Victoria paused, turning her head to look at him as he leaned on the door a bit. She sniffed, and arched her brow, she could see the irritation on his features from how Alan had spoken to him, but he was keeping his mouth shut, and part of her wondered why. Respect, maybe? She wasn't sure, but she wasn't going to test it by asking.  
“You goin' ta follow us back, girlie?”He asked, arching his brow at her.  
“Yeah, of course.”  
“Wha' 'bout tha' friend o' yers tha' ya were talkin' to?”He questioned, sniffing as he spoke.  
“Not meeting him up here, I'm meeting him in Charming or Stockton, which...ya know, requires me following you back.”She grinned wide at him, seeing that hint of irritation flicker across his features again,”You worried about this friend of mine?”  
“Wasn't too fond of yer reaction to 'im callin'.”He commented, pushing away from the door,”Jus' makin' sure yer a'right.”  
“What friend?”Alan spoke up, causing both Victoria and Chibs to look at him,”Who're you going to go see?”  
“Jeremy.”She answered, sniffing a bit, shooting Chibs a dirty glare,”He called me up last night, said he'd be passing through, wanted to see me since he also heard about what happened.”  
“Aye, and she didn' look none too happy 'bout it either.”Chibs pointed out, looking rather proud of himself, like he just got away with tattling on her or something of that nature,”This boy a good one?”  
“He was a hellion, honestly.”Alan shot Victoria a hard look,”Don't know how he's been since he got back, but the desert wasn't good to him either.”  
“I'll be fine, I've known him for years, I know what he's like, and it's only for a couple of hours.”  
“A couple of hours can change everything.”  
“S'good, I'll be goin' with 'er.”  
“No.”She snapped, looking at Chibs now,”You two aren't going to gang up on me.”  
“Girlie, ya looked like ya were goin' ta be sick talkin' to 'im, ya ain't goin' alone.”  
Victoria looked between both men, gritting her teeth, and got in the car. She said nothing else to either of them, not bothering because she didn't see the point. She didn't need a babysitter, she didn't need to be taken care of, she could handle herself just fine. Starting the car up, she pulled out, giving Alan a short wave, and then she watched as he and Chibs traded a few words, before Chibs started towards his bike. Pulling out onto the street, she waited for the three to get on their bikes and start down the road before following after them.  
Annoyance ate away at her the entire way back to Charming, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel, fighting not to groan and yell at people who couldn't even hear her. She wasn't sure why Chibs had decided to have that conversation right then and there, she wasn't sure why Alan had chosen to take up with Chibs so easily. She felt as though that should have been a collision of some sort, a clash of interest or something, but instead they both decided to gang up on her. She was taking this as a personal offense, even if somewhere in the back of her mind, she understood it was both men looking out for her in their own way. Their own, obnoxious, awful way.   
Turning and pulling into the parking lot of her apartment, she climbed out of the car, and slammed the door shut, glancing over to see that Chibs had joined her, but the other two men weren't here. She wasn't sure how she felt about that, although she would never call him out in front of his buddies, that wouldn't go over well, she was sure. Glancing at him in the most judgmental way possible, she turned and started for the front door, hearing him call to her, to get her attention, and she refused to look back. He wanted to talk, he could catch up. And, of course, he did. Stepping inside, she caught his hand on the door, holding it open as she moved into the apartment, and he came in behind her, shutting the door as he did so.  
“Why'd you do that?”She asked, glancing over at him,”What I do with my time, it's really not your business.”  
“Ya gonna really fight me on this one, girlie?”He questioned, crossing his arms over his chest,”Ya nearly looked like ya might pass out when that boy'o called las' nigh', and tha' friend o' yers gives a shite 'bout ya, so I figured I'd see wha' this Jeremy was 'bout.”  
“You couldn't just ask me?”  
“Would ya 'ave tol' me if I had?”  
“No.”  
“And then ya want ta question my method?”  
Victoria paused, and looked at Chibs for a long moment. She couldn't help it. Stopping in the middle of her living room, she crossed her arms over her chest, and looked him up and down, taking in every bit of him, before her gaze met his, and her face had settled in a frown. Chibs only arched his brow, waiting quietly while she took this moment to just look at him, and he wasn't sure if she was sizing him up, or if she was deciding how much harder she needed to fight with him. He was still trying to figure out why he wanted to watch out for her. She was stubborn, she was proving to be a tiny bit of a pain in the ass, and yet, he was interested, intrigued by the woman, and while this need to fight every little thing was annoying, it didn't detour him in the slightest.   
“You don't know shit about me, Chibs.”She shook her head,”I'm not your responsibility, I don't give a shit what Alan said, I don't give a shit what you've got in your head, you don't need to take care of me.”  
“Yer right, don' know shite about ya,”He agreed,”And ya ain't my responsibility, but I ain't tryin' to raise ya either, ya ain't a child, and I ain't tryin' ta take care of ya, but ya don' have to act like it's a god damn sin that someone has taken an interest in you.”  
“It's not a sin,”She huffed, snorting at him,”But this...this babysitting thing, if Gemma put you up to this shit, I don't want it, because you're right, I'm not a child, I can handle my shit.”  
“I'm still goin' with ya tonight, jus' ta be safe.”  
“No, you're not, you are going to go back to your club, go screw a whore, go get drunk, do whatever it is you do in your free time, and just...”She shook her head, letting out a sigh,”I'm still in the desert half the time, okay, I'm still...there...fighting, I'm still there...surviving....okay...do you understand that? Do you? Because if you think this is some...some...game where you can pretend to give a shit just to get laid, go play it with someone else, I have no room for it right now, I have no room for bullshit.”  
“Ya know, a person can try an' get ta know ya without wantin' ta take advantage,”He snapped, running his tongue across his bottom lip in annoyance, giving a hard sniff of disapproval over her words,”Jumpin' ta too many conclusions can really backfire on ya, girlie.”  
“Well, prove me wrong.”She said simply, blinking at him, her expression going blank,”Change my mind.”  
“Oh aye, 'cause that'll happen, right?”  
“It could, I might be stubborn, but I'm not blind.”  
Nodding his head, Chibs gave a roll of his eyes, grunting a bit to himself. Victoria found herself crossing her arms over her chest, waiting to see what was going to come out of his mouth next. She wasn't sure what to do with this. Three days, she'd only been here three days, she didn't need anyone assuming anything, and she wasn't sure how to handle the interest he showed in her. She just wanted for her head to be silent, just for a minute, and it wasn't happening, it wasn't going to happen for awhile. Why would he want that around him anyway?   
“Look, you're missing the point here.”She waved her hand before he could get a chance to say anything else,”The point I'm trying to make is you don't know shit about shit when it comes to my situation, and, frankly, if you did, you wouldn't be standing here right now.”  
“Wha's tha' suppose ta mean?”  
“Means you're smart enough to know a lost cause when you see it.”  
“Oh aye.”His tone was harsh, sarcastic, and Victoria narrowed her eyes,”So I'm shallow?”  
“No, I didn't say that.”  
“Aye, ya kinda did, girlie.”  
“Just, look, I don't need you to protect me.”She nearly whined it out,”I don't need you to take care of me, or babysit me, or whatever it is that you're doing, I have this, I can handle myself.”  
Nodding his head, Chibs frowned a bit, he wanted to just tell her that she was absolutely full of shit, and that he could smell it from a mile away, but he didn't. He bit down, as much as he really wanted to do it, this was turning into a far more frustrating matter than it should have been. Turning on his heel, he didn't say another word, he simply left, shutting the door behind him as he exited the apartment. Heading to his bike, it occurred to him that maybe just walking away wasn't the best way to handle it, but he wasn't going to fight over something that neither of them were changing their mind about. She wasn't some croweater, he couldn't just tell her to do it, and get over it. That wouldn't work with her, and really, he didn't have a desire to treat her like some piece of gash either. Sighing, he got on his bike, and headed off, taking himself back to Teller-Morrow, and back to the clubhouse. He needed a drink.  
Victoria was left standing there, the silence loud for a moment, and then she let out a hard sigh. Well, at least he left. Maybe not on the best terms, and she really didn't like the pang of guilt she felt over talking to him the way that she did, but she shoved it down, let it go, she couldn't let it bother her too much or she would end up a mess, and over someone she barely knew. She hated how her mind worked against her now, in such a way, the way it twisted everything and left her with a constant sick feeling in her stomach. Shaking her head, she heard her phone go off, and pulled it out. A text from Jeremy, telling her that he was in Stockton, and telling her where she could meet him. She quickly texted back that she was on her way, and with that, she was heading out the door again. She'd worry about Chibs later. Right now, she needed to put on a good face, and remember that she knew how to interact with people properly.   
This drive wasn't nearly as long as the one to Oakland, and before she even realized it, she was pulling up in front of the bar, parking the car and climbing out. Turning and looking around, she didn't know which vehicle to look for to let her know that he was here, so, pulling in a deep breath, and letting it out slowly, she started towards the entrance, yanking the door open and slipping inside. The loud music filled her ears, bombarding her for a moment, and she nearly had to step back out, the pressure of the sound causing her heart race, her hands clenching into tight fists, but she shoved it down, gave herself a moment to adjust, and then she continued onwards. It only took a few minutes, and she spotted Jeremy, making her way over to him, she was surprised to see that he wasn't sitting alone, she had expected him to be, and she didn't recognize the other man. That made her a little twitchy, but she bit it back, instead, pulling her lips back into a bright smile, and as she approached the table, hugged Jeremy back as he stood to embrace and welcome her.   
“So, what's been going on with you?”She asked, taking a seat as Jeremy did.  
“Been traveling, like I told you, kind of doing this coast to coast thing.”He shrugged, bringing his beer up and taking a sip,”This is Sergei Anosov, a buddy of mine that's been giving me some work.”  
“Pleasure.”She nodded her head, before ordering herself a drink,”What sort of work?”  
“Just body guard shit, ya know, putting my skills to some good use.”Jeremy laughed, taking another sip of his beer.  
“Seems like something you'd get into.”She teased, shaking her head a bit.  
“What about you?”He asked, tilting his head a bit,”What've you been doing?”  
“I've been home three days, and all I've been doing is getting properly moved into my apartment,”She answered honestly,”Reconnecting with some old family friends, you know, trying to get used to the citizen life.”  
“Your friend tells me that you worked with him,”Sergei speaks up, a thick Russian accent making him harder to understand than Chibs, but she doesn't say that out loud,”Did you like working with him?”  
“He was good at his job, tough, reliable,”She spoke quickly, leaning against her seat a bit,”A little reckless, but in a way that didn't scream death wish.”  
“Very good.”Sergei said simply, nodding his head.  
Victoria shot Jeremy a questioning look, but said nothing else, instead, choosing to reach for her beer as it was sat down in front of her, sipping on it. The noise around her was making it hard to focus, but she was doing her best, her skin crawling, and there was this need to escape, to get herself out of there and just go home. It was too much people contact for her to deal with, and she wasn't sure what to do with this new person, this Russian who was giving Jeremy a job. There was more to that story, and she knew it, and she didn't like it, but this was not the time nor the place to call that out. She might not want to know all the dirty details, but she was not naive, not stupid. Time to put those brains that God gave her to some good use.  
The next several hours weren't nearly as tense as Victoria had originally thought they would be, she kept her drinking down, not wanting to be in any way intoxicated so that she could drive home, and after awhile of being in the noise, she got used to it, her body settling, relaxing, as best as it could. Around one, it was time to head out, to head back to Charming, and she walked out with the two men, saying her goodbyes, giving Jeremy another quick hug before starting towards her car. There was a part of her that knew she should have been paying better attention, that knew she shouldn't have come alone, because Alan was right, he was always right, and Chibs had offered, but she'd decided to be stubborn about it. That was her fault. This was all her fault.   
The movement behind her was subtle, but she caught it, turning in time to take a fist to the side of her face, leaving her stumbling backwards, grunting hard as she tasted blood. She winced, and cringed, before lifting her head to see who it was, and not so much to her surprise, it was Jeremy. He grabbed her by the shoulder and shoved her back against her car, pulling a knife out on her, and Victoria went to react. Her hand came up, and she started to swing at him catching him in the ribs, using her foot to push him back away from her with another hard grunt. Stumbling back, she knew she was wide eyed, her heart racing, adrenaline rushing through her veins, she was shocked, unprepared, but she wasn't some stupid little girl, she was a soldier and she knew how to fight. When he came at her again, she gritted her teeth, and took another swing at him, catching him in the jaw, hearing his teeth click together hard as he grunted and shook his head, giving her a second to move away from the side of the car so that she wasn't completely trapped. He turned and looked at her, a hard frown on his face as he spit blood onto the concrete. Clenching her hands into tight fists, she braced herself to charge him, to take him head on, but a set of hard arms coming around her stopped her, left her kicking and letting out a yell, as she struggled to get away, throwing her head back, she busted the other man in the chin, and he let go of her, and as she turned to move, there was a sharp sting in her side, and the air was pulled from her lungs from the white hot pain that shot through her a second later. Letting out a yell of surprise and pain, she brought her hand up and pressed it against her side, looking up to see Jeremy standing there with a bloody knife in his hand.  
“Tell SAMCRO that the Russians want to speak to them.”He stated simply, seeing the look of confusion on her face, he sighed,”You told me where you were from, Vic, and I owe my friends some money, this is me repaying my debt.”  
“Fuck you.”She hissed, that coppery taste filling her mouth faster now, and she moved to spit out blood of her own, moving forward to lean against her car, gasping and panting for air.  
“Sorry, Vic, it's nothing personal.”  
That was it, that was last thing that was said to her before the two men left, leaving her there bleeding out in the parking lot of some bar. She could feel the panic rising in her chest as she started to move, started to pull herself around to the drivers side of the car, pulling the door open and dropping herself down. Leaning back a bit, she dug her phone out of her pocket, and flipped it open, trying so hard to focus, but between the pain and the panic, she really couldn't and she could feel herself shaking all over as she barely managed to find Chibs number in her contacts, hitting it and quickly pressing the phone to her ear, using her free hand to put pressure on the wound.   
“Aye?”  
“Help...I was wrong, I need your help.”  
“Where are ya, girlie?”She could hear the panic in Chibs' voice, barely covered as he spoke.  
“The place is called...”She paused, looking up with blurry, tear filled eyes, to see the name of the place,”It's called Joes bar and game room, it's in Stockton.”  
“Aye, I know the place, what happened?”  
“I'm hurt, alright, I'm bleeding, and I need you to come get me, or something, I don't know what?”  
“Call fer a paramedic, now, and then stay put, I'm on m'way.”  
With that, Chibs hung the phone up, and Victoria was left fighting to call nine one one, trying her hardest not to slip into a panic attack, knowing that panting and breathing too hard would cause her lungs to fill with blood, and that would not be conducive to her surviving the night. She just barely managed to do what she was instructed before she dropped her phone, leaning against her car seat, and closing her eyes, praying that someone made it in time, since she had no idea how bad the stab wound was, all she knew was that she was in pain, and she was bleeding a lot. This was not how she expected the night to go.


End file.
